Things I'm sick of seeing

I'm sick of seeing people creating an idendity, and sticking to it so strongly, that they actually believe it is who they are. Especially those people who call themselves artists; don't they see that when they insist on being one character, they stop evolving?

I'm frustrated of seeing art that expresses disillusion, loss, fear and negativity, with no sense of direction. Art is now needed to be visionary. To be ordinary, is to be of ordinary thinking, which is to be of old thinking, which really belongs to that of the past century and prior.

Artists, STOP insisting on your limited views of the world. We don't need that anymore. We all know enough of the darkness of humanity, coldness of modern society, estrangement of humanity. What's new? Art is not, if it must stagnate. We must continue evolving and growing!

I''m sick of Gay plays. It used to be necessary, to educate the public. But that is not what's important now. Now, you've become so commercial, it makes people sick. To insist on a problem's existense, is to acknowledge it exists. When it didn't exist earlier, it will be created by the insisted acknowledgement.

I'm sick of people who base their idendities on sex. Their lives, values are based on sex appeal. To be sexually attractive, to get who they desire. To be deemed successful, beautiful.

Everyone knows by now, that true beauty is not skin deep. It is, but for the first moments of meeting people. I belong to the increasing group who see people intuitively. For us, it's not always intuitive, the eyes give them away most of the time. Then their speech, and the company they keep.

Why are people so concerned about something so shallow?? The women at the gym, wearing skimpy clothes make me feel sad. As do the fellows working for that perfect body, believing it to change them on the inside as well. They pick up mannerisms from each other, the lies like cancer, and believing them to be who they ought to be, and are. It makes me sad to see them so lost.

Gay plays. Must they have sex? Must they always have a cast of young, buff and handsome boys, to wear little clothing. Nevermind that they don't act well, sex sells. What are these people doing? They've cheapened us. I'm disgusted by how the theatre companies have capitalised on this. Yes, they have messages, but they are not new, and are not what is needed now.

Most people would think gays are promiscious. Biologically different from women, they don't have to worry about 10 months of incovenience, or a guilty conscience of a murderer. But is that all to it? Queer as Folk says yes. The show implies yes too. I tell you, that show may be sucessful, but it only shows the immatured and jaded gay population. Shows like these do little to help humanity. They stereotype us, like nails to wooden planks. To be fair, they have some truths in there, but the show does more to ingrain the stereotypes, and heighten the fear of the homophobic and ignorant.

In art, "new" is no longer important. Hadly anything can be considered new these days. What's important is their purpose. As said, art transcends language; a great deal can be communicated without a single word.

I hope the art community will realise their purpose soon, and create work to move humanity towards a more enlightened state. To do that, they must begin to see life as it really is.

Things that irritate me -Bus rides

I hate it when I get onto a crowded bus, especially when there are many schoolgirls from St. Margaret's school in it. These girls are teenagers, who don't know themselves. They can be so rude and obnoxious. They'd talk loudly, and laugh loudly on the bus, make clever and condescending remarks and statements, unconsciously (perhaps) calling for everyone on the bus to acknowledge their existence as clever and witty young adults. This attention-seeking never fails, most people would shoot unapproving stares at these girls. For me, it's increasing irritation. They don't uderstand, and rebel against the values of conservative Eastern society. Even boys hardly make such a din anywhere.

This feminist angst is so prevalent in adolescent schoolgirls, especially those of "elite" schools where they think they are superior. They think they are fighting, and showing the world that women are clever, can be aggresive, and don't care to be the demure stereotype of Asian girls. They show off all these "qualities", proudly proclaiming their existence as self-sufficient, and self-sustaining alpha-female, the role model they yearn to be. Though their intentions noble, these girls have instead proclaimed that they don't know themselves and their society. Yes, it play-acting; they'd probably become more aware of the effects of their actions when they grow up. But there are always new schoolgirls, going through the same angstful journey, making the same silly din everywhere. Did you ever notice they get quieter when their gang gets smaller? There's no shortage of supply. I'm hoping that humanity matures and attains wisdom faster, so rebellion would be scarce and reserved for 2 year olds. We'll all have a more peaceful and beautiful world. Maybe after the Spiritual Winter? Sooner, please...

The other irritation about crowded busses, is the women with bags. They don't seem to be aware of what their bags are poking (usually my butt). They'd often have their handbags flinging here and there, banging on anyone close by. Plastic shopping bags are worse, they are sometime sharp at the corners, and can scratch like a durain. Would you please ask the women you know, who take busses to be more careful, and aware of their little bags? When the bus is crowded, there is no place to hide, or move away from the source of irritation. Shoot a stare at them, and they don't even know what for. I sometimes jerk their bags with my hips in frustration, sometimes, I'd use my own bag (which is usually in front of me, so it touches nobody else) and butt-jerk it to them, hoping they'd suddenly be enlightened in their awareness.

But, I notice, most people aren't even aware when their butts are being foldled and carressed by a handbag behind them. Does that make me too sensitive? I don't think so, that makes them less aware.

Yet, I know. Everything I observe, is a part of me. If I hate something, then I hate that part of myself. That makes complaining so difficult. When someone becomes aware of your poverty, you become poor in his eyes.

Negativity, emptiness, loss, fear, fear, stagnation, indecisiveness

I know I have a bright future. I know I have gifts. I know I need to use them to spread the message. But creating a path for myself is not easy. Where are the signs? What kind of path do I really want? Does it really matter which path, as long as the destination is clear? I think the answer is no.

How can I go forth, when I don't know my path? How do I know that what crosses me, is a lesson I must learn and accept, or something I must fight and change?

Am I crystal? That I reflect people I meet, both visible and hidden? Is that why I don't behave the same way around different people? It confuses me, that I don't seem to know who I am when I'm alone. I crave for solitude so often, yet I crave for company when I'm tired and bored. Why do I feel so tired when there are so many people?

Is this really the "Dark Night of the Soul" that'll last till 2008? It seems I've been experiencing this for a long time.

I had abused my friend's dog. I was once an advocate of kindness to pets, as so many texts say that's the only way to teach and train animals. Unfortunately, it didn't work. I had to resort, first to loud reprimanding, then to spanking, then to scolding, then to wacking. It was so painful, it drove me to tears. What kind of a person am I? The wacking and scolding got me mad, and affected my life. Sounds kind of severe, but I could not look at things with as much compassion as I could before. That also came with guilt, that hangs above you at all times. I now see and know, that violence is in me.

I want company. I want sincere and honest friends who keep me in balance. I'm tired of having to keep company someone who's afraid of lineliness, for he doesn't give me energy in return. All he wants is to be seen with company, whether or not he pays attention. He's so unaware that it drains me, when the energy I send out are constantly lost. Either that, or he doesn't really care, unless I tell him again,after which he'll probably forget again. Why must I lose my temper or faith to have people start listening seriously?

I value integrity, truthfulness and sincerity so much. But what if I'm to collaborate on something I don't agree with? My values are on the line. How can I support that which is right for the world, be true to myself, honest and yet be successful?
I abhor it when people say things they don't mean just to get on the good side. They lie in front of others, and have no guilt. They can defend their actions, that it's the only way to live. Luckily, or unluckily, I can sense such people with poor values (they hate themselves) and stay away from them. Unluckily, because I become isolated from most of the world's population. As such, I have so few friends.

It's sometimes quite terrible that I have access to all the answers to all the questions I have. Because, I fear. You know, it's so easy to analyse someone else's life and problems. But our own?

What I want in my friends... Pleasant looks, manners, courtesy, honesty, ease, empathy, insight, Integrity and Honour, adaptability...