Something doesn't feel right

I feel oddly sad and down... not much reason though...
The NKF scandal is a big grey area that is hard to judge. They have done much good, and why shouldn't they be rewarded? But then again, they might have gone overboard with the rewards. but "might". It's just that they have operated, so far, more like a profit-making commercial enterprise, rather than like a true humanitarian charitable organisation.

I also feel bad that K has not responded to any of my emails or sms's. Not that I sent him much, just an sms 2 weeks ago, and an email and a heart last night. I guess he must have found me strange, to be moved my his words that were not meant to move. Or is it?

Today's rehearsal also went funny. I was late (about 15minutes), but found H waiting downstairs with the box of cables. So I help carry it up, and everyone seemed a little cold. Or not, either way, I was feeling some lack of energy, so didn't bother much.

So I just found my biorhythms were almost at the lowest today. Maybe that's why. The good news is, it'll go up again, peaking about the time of the show. The show has gained some importance to me, because I have sent out some 20 emails last night to ask friends and those who were not so close, but might be interested, to watch the show. And this is a very very rare thing that I did, so it makes me kind of anxious.

There also seems to be some kind of tension with me and J. HC is not very nice to work with. The way she just walked off halfway through the partnering, it doesn't feel good. I don't want to be angry with a pregnant woman, but I don't enjoy working with her anyway. I suppose she's jealous of me, that I am the one with multi-talents, and theatrical experience. Maybe I should not have done any balletic stuff in the rehearsal, if it makes the rest of them feel like I was showing off.

And, I'm out of money! I don't even have $10 to top up my card, not $2 for tea. Not to mention the $300+ credit card bill, $50 phone bill, $55 internet bill... God help! I have been hard working, when I have jobs. I am giving alot, maybe too much in this production, and I deserve, and want a raise! A BIG one!! :)

Maybe I do need a bf. Send me one!! :) And let us embody happiness! :) :)

It's ok. Come on.

Disappointment. it's alright.
Nightmares, they're ok. Come on, I won't judge you.
I was disappointed that K didn't send me the excerpts. He didn't reply my sms, and have possibly "blocked" me on MSN. I don't know the reason, but this is not the first time I've been given the sudden cold treatment. It used to hurt, and felt like I was abandoned, jilted. I did a tarot reading several times just now, yielding almost similar results. It seems to have been someone else "dishonourable". We know some people mutually.
Anyway, Nothing should be taken personally, ever. K has chosen to ignore me through his own choice. Whether they be caused by virtue or not, they are part of his (and my) life lessons. Though I really liked him, and felt we connected, perhaps he had other obligations and guilt. He is pretty much my type (innocent face, single eyelid, boyish, intellectual). But I don't have suxual feeling for him yet. How could I? I'm no longer the young inexperienced guy who would get turned on by many different types. My inner intelligence has taken over, and caused me to learn, through my body, that I cannot be shallow in love anymore.
K, I really like you and hope to be friends. Dave, if you remember me, I really liked you too. Just because I didn't want to get sexually involved at the early stage, didn't mean you mean less to me. I hope you guys fare well, and that we shall meet again under more favourable situations.